Today is my first day back on comp prep and I am super excited to watch my progress and see my results. If you had told the girl that was 4 dress sizes bigger and over 25kg heavier, that she would be competing, she would not have believed you. But here I am. I am competing for the second time this year. I have set a goal to compete in two competitions in October as I know this time around, I don't have as far to go.
It wasn't always roses. I remember when I first started on my weight loss journey, it was hard to see the light. I didn't even realise just how much weight I had gained because I stopped counting. I stopped jumping on the scales and I ate whatever I pleased. Looking back, I was in denial. I gained the majority of my weight while I lived in Canada. I remember having a medical done when I applied for my second visa. The doctor told me that I was overweight. I laughed at him. He can't be right! There is no way I was overweight!
THE WAKE UP CALL
It wasn't until I returned back to Australia after being away for 3 years, did I realise that I had gotten so much bigger. I am a tiny 5 foot tall and having an extra 25kg on me was really quite noticeable. In my mind, I thought I just got a bit fluffy and lost my definition but when my family and friends first saw me, their facial expressions told me that something needed to be done.
I was no longer in Canada where I could hide underneath several layers of clothes. I was back in Australia where the heat was causing my legs to chafe to the point it really hurt to even walk. I had to do something. How did I allow myself to get to this point? Where did it even all begin? Looking back, I realised every tiny thing eventually added up to me being in this position. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed that I had let myself get to this point. I didn't feel good about myself. Enough was enough.
THE FIRST STEPS
I started walking every morning. Even for just half an hour. I would plug in my earphones and listen to my favourite tunes. It was nice but it wasn't long until I got tired of it. The chafing was really painful and it was brutally hot outdoors. What could I do to lose this weight? Why is it so hard? I can't gain anymore weight because walking hurts me and if I put on anymore weight, who knows what else will hurt.
There was no way I was going to sign up to a gym. I knew that if I did, I wouldn't show up. I know, for someone that wants to lose weight, this isn't really the best mindset, especially when there was a time I was a fitness addict. That's when I decided to join a boot camp. At least I would have a group of people to help with my motivation and I was held accountable to turn up.
I did a 12 week challenge and lost just under 10kg. The girls in the boot camp were so supportive and to my surprise, I was still fit at heart. I mean I wasn't as strong as I used to be and I couldn't run as fast as I used to but my heart has a competitiveness streak and I made sure I was always in the top of the pack. I pushed myself so I could keep up with the others and the support network was amazing.
TAKING IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL
Once I saw results, I couldn't stop. I had made small changes to my diet. I switched white rice for brown rice, white bread to wholemeal and pasta for the pasta made of vegetables. I still ate the same food I loved, I just made better choices and I didn't overeat. If I ate chocolate, I would have a bar not a whole block. If I drank alcohol, I would have vodka and soda instead of bottles of wine. It was all about moderation.
I moved away and getting to the boot camp was tough as that meant I was up at 4am. I decided I was ready to join the gym. When I first walked in, I will admit that it was a little intimidating. There were people that were a lot fitter than me and it was obvious that it wasn't their first rodeo. I turned up the music, plugged in my earphones and chose to pretend that I was the only one in the room.
There were plenty of days where I didn't feel like going to the gym. Getting on the bandwagon is tough and once you're on, it gets easier. If you jump off the bandwagon, getting back on it is even tougher. I learnt this from the days I let my excuses win. It's too cold, I'm too sore, I'm too tired, I don't feel like it, I'm too busy today. The excuses were endless.
Now when I come up with excuses I stop myself and think, if I don't go, how will I feel? If I do go, how will I feel? How do I want to feel? Then I have my answer. I can't bear the guilt of not going to the gym and feeling lazy and lethargic. I know once I am at the gym, I feel so much better and after the work out, I feel on top of the world.
I don't love every work out. Some days I have to drag myself to the gym but I am addicted to the gains, the growth and the progress. I am addicted to my endorphin levels spiking after a good gym session. I know if I go, I am one step closer to my goals and I also know that if I don't go, I will beat myself up, feel lazy and probably miss another day or two. Who really wants that?
So if you are in the same boat, ask yourself the same question. How will you feel if you do it? How will you feel if you don't? How do you want to feel? Then you have your answer. Remember, we are always in control of how we react and we can always choose how we want to feel.