You read the title right. I know I don’t usually post blogs with titles that are so blunt and forthcoming, but today, I just felt like being a little bit more authentic to myself. I want to write something unfiltered, real, raw and without worrying about judgement or controversy. These are my feelings and my take on things. I am not writing this to change your perspective but to maybe get an understanding of mine. After all, we all see the world from different sets of eyes right?
People always seem to come to me for advice. Especially when it comes to love and relationships. I will admit that sometimes this makes me laugh as I am probably the most single person I know. I pay my own way, I rely on myself more than I rely on others, I spoil myself with gifts, I keep myself accountable and I call myself out on my own bullshit. (Sometimes I don’t realise it straight away but hey, I am human)
I’ve achieved more in life in the times of being single and experienced more self awareness in the times of solitude. I have no problem taking myself out to a fancy dinner and eating on my own, nor do I have an issue going to watch a movie by myself. Heck, I’ve even gone and experienced other countries as a solo traveller. So when people come to me for advice on love, sometimes I wonder why they do so. Aren’t I the one that needs help and advice? Then it gets me thinking, why is it that I can give really good advice but yet still single AF and in a relationship with myself?
WHAT IS BAGGAGE?
When people say, “I don’t want to date that person because they come with a lot of baggage.” I challenge you to ask yourself this. Can you honestly say that you have no baggage? We all have experienced our journeys in life with some sort of childhood disappointment, some type of heartbreak or loss and as we continue to grow older, we collectively experience more.
Yes our journeys and past experiences are certainly different from the next, but in some form or another, we have all experienced the pain of losing something we loved, experienced the effects of having our egos bruised and we have all experienced the disappointment of not getting what we want.
It’s unfortunate but it’s true, some people have experienced traumas that others are lucky enough to never encounter in their lives but in the bigger scheme of things, we have all collected our own form of baggage. So if we all have baggage, then why do we judge someone else on their own baggage? Isn’t it something we should just accept of each other?
Why do we judge others when instead we could find out more about themselves. If we took the time to find out how someone grew up and learnt what they’ve experienced, we would get a better understanding of what triggers them and also learn what it is they are seeking in order to feel appreciated. There’s a reason there is that saying, “Seek to understand in order to be understood.”
WHEN TWO F*CKED UP SOULS COME TOGETHER
So back to relationships. I honestly think that the best relationships we will ever experience are where each party takes the time to understand each other’s f*cked-upness. This applies to not only romantic relationships but to business and friends. If we could see where the other person was coming from, we would be able to learn how to work in harmony with them. Instead of judgement, we would understand. When someone feels understood, they feel valued, and when one feels valued, they want to give more.
When two people come into union, I guess it’s two people learning about each other’s fcked-upness and seeing whether or not they can handle the fcked up-ness. The secret to having a healthy relationship is to realise and be aware of how f*cked up each other is and to rise above it. We must work on our own self growth and heal our own traumas and scars.
We can’t pour from an empty cup so fill your own cup first so that you have a lot to offer another without running yourself dry. Instead of pointing fingers , seek to understand the other. I’ve always believed that there are three sides to every story; your side, their side and the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
So my question is, why do we judge each other? At the end of the day, we are all f*cked up.