Self growth. I'm all for it and I am still forever learning on how I can become a better person. There are a lot of things in the past that I am certainly not proud of and a lot that I have also been able to achieve that I am most certainly proud of. Life is a funny place and it is definitely one massive learning curve.
FOMO. If you haven't heard of the word, it is a term for the "Fear of missing out". It wasn't until one of my best friends pointed this out to me, that I even knew what "FOMO" meant or even realised that I suffered from it. It was at this very moment that I started to really take a long hard look at myself. What was the reason why I partied so hard?
ADMITTING IT TO MYSELF
When my friend told me that I had FOMO, my first reaction was to get on the defense. "What do you mean I have FOMO?!" It wasn't until I mulled it over, that I realised she was right. I have probably partied harder than anyone else I know personally. If I look back at all my escapades, I could probably say I have drank more than all the fish in the Pacific. Okay, maybe a slight exaggeration there but not really too far from the truth.
I'm going to be really honest in this blog, after all, I have always been the "what you see is what you get type" and I don't plan on changing that. Not even for a second. For those that have known me for a while or even those that have met me years ago, I am pretty certain that one thing they would all agree on when asked about me is the fact that I know how to party.
Yes, I was that girl that was invited to every party, every social event and for a lot of those times, I was that girl that organised the party. If someone wanted to have some sort of night out or gathering, they would just get me to round up a crew. I had a knack for getting people together. Wherever I was, the party was there.
YOU ARE WHAT YOU ATTRACT
Even throughout my travels, the party still followed. Or maybe it was me following the party? I would even travel alone to a country where I knew not a soul and somehow end up in party mode with a bunch of random people. You attract what you are and for the most part, I attracted a lot of party goers and people that like to "live life to the fullest". But was I really living to the fullest?
Maybe I was living to the fullest in the fun, social and adventure factor but if I really think about it, I didn't really accomplish anything but a series of painful hangovers, massive weight gain and even found myself in some really messed up situations. Situations that caused arguments, situations where my safety was compromised and even situations where the police were involved. It wasn't all dark, I met a ton of amazing people along the way and I am still in touch with a lot of them. Some have even become lifelong friends.
WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
Through my journey of self discovery, I have now realised that the true reasons as to why I partied so hard was stemmed from my past. There were a lot of things that had happened to me that I had not resolved or would even acknowledge. There were issues I would sweep under the carpet and alcohol was a way for me to escape and forget my realities. Out of sight, out of mind right? Haha, how wrong could I be?
If someone invited me to something and I was really tired or even broke, I somehow would end up out and yet again in party mode. I didn't know how to say no. Then the next day I would find that I had spent way too much money and have a killer headache to deal with. I always found myself at every party and every event because I really didn't want to miss out.
I didn't want to miss out on anything exciting. I didn't want to miss out on the fun. Yet every time I came home from being out, I never really did miss out on anything. It was just another drunken, crazy night where I drank too much, spent too much and now have to pay with a hangover. Not really constructive right? But this was me every weekend for years!
WHAT I LEARNT
As Albert Einstein once said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." I was someone that had goals and things I wanted to accomplish. I would take one step forward and two steps back every time I partied. I was slowly getting somewhere only to find myself feeling sorry for myself nursing a killer hangover.
It's kind of funny cos now I still get invited to a lot of outings but now I am picky with how I spend my time. If it is a close friend's birthday, I'm there. If it's a friend of a friend's friend, I now realise that I really don't have to be there. Would I rather be taking steps forward so I can reach my freedom lifestyle and travelling full time, or would I rather go get drunk and feel sorry for myself the next day as I didn't get anything done?
I am also really passionate about fitness and getting drunk every weekend really does more damage than good to my body. My blogging and you tubing is my number one passion and I would much rather be writing or making videos to help inspire others than just "getting loose".
So when it comes to "FOMO", I still have it. My perspective has changed though, I don't want to miss out on achieving my goals. I don't want to get wasted as there are so many more constructive things I could do in a day than just hide from the world and nurse a hangover. I don't want to miss out on going to the gym.I have a fitness comp I want to compete in. The FOMO hasn't left but it has now been directed to more constructive and passionate pursuits.
Do I still go out? Of course! Life is meant for living! I just no longer find the need to be completely white girl wasted. You can still have fun without being trashed. Do I still drink? Yes I do! It's all about moderation and there are so many ways to have fun without getting drunk. I would much rather climb a mountain, take in the crisp air at the top, while staring into a magnificent view than to wake up with a hangover.
My FOMO attitude has actually played a massive part in me reaching so many goals lately. Once I learnt to divert my "fear of missing out on the party" mindset to a "fear of missing out on goals" way of thinking, I have never seen so much momentum happen in my life. The universe is a funny place and what you put in, you most definitely get back. It's not a question of "Am I good enough?" It's a question of "How much do I want it?"