You know those moments when you see someone and they look awfully familiar? You know you haven't met them before but you can't keep your eyes off them because somehow there is a sense of familiarity you can't place your finger on.
I was at a business event and saw a woman who gave me this feeling. I couldn't stop staring. There was a strong pull towards her I just couldn't explain. Later that evening, I looked her up on Facebook and started chatting to her. I found out she was a Reiki Master. Without hesitation, I asked if I could meet her and have a session. Little did I know this meeting would change my life forever.
The Road Trip
Fran "The Medicine Lady", lived a few hours away so I decided to make a road trip out of it and head to one of my favourite spots in Australia, Byron Bay. Together with my best friend Sam, we decided to spend some much needed quality girl time and go see Fran together. Sam had been going through a rough time and I had a darkness inside me that I hadn't been able to shake.
We both thought thought this trip would be exactly what the doctor ordered. A bit of nature, the ocean breeze and some spiritual enlightenment. I was super excited. My business partner happened to be in Byron so we also met up with her and she showed us some hidden spots that only the locals knew.
It was meant to be storming that weekend but somehow, we missed the rain and managed to get some vitamin D and catch some waves. We could see the rain a couple of hundred metres away but Sam and I were swimming in the ocean smiling about the fact we weren't getting the storm. I've been pretty lucky with weather but that is another story for later.
The Reiki Master
Our weekend in Byron was perfect. Every meal we ate was divine and the weather was kind to us. Fran lived on the way home so we decided to end our trip with a Reiki session. I had no idea that this meeting would change the way I saw things and open my eyes to things I wasn't even aware of.
She was a gorgeous woman, sun kissed by the sunshine and eyes that glistened as she spoke. I had no idea what to expect. I had only had a Reiki session done once before but this was not like anything I had ever experienced. This was on a whole other level. I have to say this was the most uplifting, exposing, emotional yet empowering moment I have yet encountered.
"What did you need help with? What did you want to achieve with this session?" Fran asked as she ushered me to sit by the table I was soon to lie on. I had no clue. I didn't know exactly what I wanted or even know what to expect. "I'm not sure," I whispered. "I just know that since I had an old friend come visit me, I have had this heavy, dark feeling inside of me that I cannot shake." She beckoned me to strip off and lie on the table.
Fran gave me a Reiki massage and as I lay there, I could feel the energy coming from her hands. There was a heat I could feel and at times, I wasn't even sure if she was near or even touching me. I could just feel she was there. I hadn't mentioned to her that I was limping as I had hurt my left ankle but let's just say that after the session, the limp was gone.
As I started to relax, she told me that there were two spirits in the room. One an old lady, with grey hair and missing teeth. The other, a man dressed in tribal clothing, an old warrior. This wasn't the first time someone had told me that an old lady was watching over me.
In fact, I had met her before, at 13, she came to me before I got kicked out of home and whispered that everything would be okay. She had touched my face and I ran out of the room screaming to my mother. When I told my mother what happened, she started to cry. She seemed to know who it was. I was just frightened to go back to my room alone.
"She's still here and she has always been there by your side," Fran explained. I believed her. Throughout my life, I have skipped death more than a few times and I have always felt a presence watching over me. I knew that I was being watched over, one can't be that lucky right?
Breaking Down My walls
The session went for a couple of hours and to write about it would be too much for a blog. (Yet maybe I say this so I don't have to delve into just how emotional it was). Fran said that I had their spirits inside me. The wise woman and the warrior man. I giggled to myself as this would explain a lot about my personality. She also said some things that kind of shook me.
"You're good at pretending." I looked up at her and she was staring right into my eyes. It was like she was piercing into my soul. "You need to believe in yourself. They keep telling me that they believe in you but you need to believe in yourself." At first I was stunned. I mean, I was a girl that used to be homeless and now I am a woman that has accomplished so much and still have a lot more yet to accomplish. What did she mean I have to believe in myself?
"You are worthy of good things, even when you were a street kid, you were still worthy. You say you are worthy but you need to believe it. You aren't what happened to you. You were a victim and you came through." She was looking right into my soul and I could feel her piercing into me. "You are strong baby girl but it's okay to cry. You are not alone." I looked at her and she repeated, "It's okay to cry." I couldn't help myself, it's one thing to say it to yourself but to have someone tell you that it's okay to hurt, that it's okay to let it out, after all of those years, I burst into tears.
I could count on one hand the amount of times I have ever really cried and this time, I felt the heaviness releasing from inside of me. A heaviness I did not know was there. I thought I had healed from all of this and had come to terms with everything that had happened. I stopped crying and she exclaimed, "Let it out!" I started to sob again but this time it was a weird feeling of my heart breaking yet healing at the same time. It's actually quite difficult to put into words.
Fran ended the session by opening my chakras and using crystals to heal me. I felt the energetic shift inside of me and strangely enough, I felt grounded again. Before I left, Fran asked me,"If you were to meet someone that told you your story as if it were their own, if you were to meet someone that had gone through everything you had gone through and had the same characteristics as you had, what would you think of them?" I paused for a second and a little startled replied, " I would think that they were a strong and amazing human being." Fran smiled at me and said, "Well that's you. It's time you start really seeing that."
Sam went in for her session and I took the car and went for a drive to the beach where I sat in my thoughts and went in for a swim. It was cleansing. I had a million thoughts running through my head but I felt at peace. I felt enlightened.
As I sat there staring into the waves, I realised that through all of the times I have told my story, I said it with no pain. I could replay the stories and not shed a tear. I thought that this was because I had come to terms with everything that had ever happened to me. It was only at this moment did I realise that I had numb myself from the pain and never really allowed myself to feel the hurt it had caused me.
Here I was writing blogs and making YouTube videos in hopes to inspire and motivate other people in their own journeys. Here I was replying back to emails to people all over the world trying to help others. Here I was taking on other people's burdens, feeling everyone else's pain when all the while I was doing to others what I needed for myself.
I needed someone to show me that it was alright. I needed someone to show me that I wasn't alone. Here I was trying to be there for others when it was me that needed someone there. Whenever I needed lifting, I would turn to read and watch YouTube videos from Louise Hay, Oprah, Tony Robbins and the likes of people I knew had gone through struggle and came out on the other side.
Learning to Really Love Myself
On the drive home I said to Sam, " I have never really stepped outside of myself to see me from someone else's eyes. It was kind of a shock to have Fran tell me to look at myself as if I was someone else I had met. She said I see the beauty in others but I don't see it in myself." Sam just looked at me and said, "Babe, now you know why I rave about you so much and why I have the most incredible respect for you. You're absolutely beautiful and the things you do for others and the things you have accomplished on your own amazes me."
For years my close friends have all told me just what an incredible human they think I am but it was only at this moment that I really understood what they meant. As Fran said, it isn't your ego when you see just how incredible you are. Take ownership of all of the accomplishments, take pride in all of the goodness you have given to others. Hold your head up high knowing you are continuously growing and striving to be the best version of you. Own it.
I wanted to share this experience with you all as I hope that if you are reading this, you too see just how amazing you are. It isn't conceited to know your worth. If good things come to you, don't even for a second feel modest or undeserving of it. You deserve everything great that comes your way because everything great that has come to you is a reflection of you and your character.
It's one thing to say it but to really believe it. Well darling, I must say it's an absolutely fucking beautiful feeling that I am just starting to learn. You really are worth it and you are more than enough. If someone tries to make you feel anything but worthy, send them on their merry way.
If you ever find yourself near Byron Bay, I highly recommend paying my dear friend Fran a visit. This blog doesn't even come close to what I really experienced. The day I met the Reiki Master was life changing. I thought I was already empowered but little did I know just how much I was really myself holding back.