Love. We all crave it. We all want it and we all need it. Coming from someone that has now finally come to admit that she is scared to death of commitment, I will be the first to say that I cannot wait to meet that guy. You know, the guy that makes me wonder where TF he has been all my life. The one that makes me want to step down from my throne of singledom. The one where I feel safe to be vulnerable. That guy that finally allows me to know it's okay to drop those walls I have built for myself that seem higher that the Great Wall of China.
SINGLE IS FREEDOM
Growing up, I was always a relationship type of girl. Always snatched up off the market before I fully got to know myself. I've been in many committed relationships but for the last 3 years, I have been single. Like really single. I have spent time on my own, I have followed my dreams, I have travelled and I have made an abundance of experiences. After the first year, I nearly expected to come off the market because usually, I am never single for more than a year. I will say though that being single for the last 3 years has been the best thing that has happened to me.
How amazing is it to be able to do what you want, when you want, how you want. What a weight off your shoulders to not have to worry about anyone but yourself and to not have anyone judging or nagging you. How refreshing is to be selfish? To just worry about yourself and yourself only. How great is it to be able to live life on your terms without feeling chained down?
ALL THAT GLISTENS IS NOT ALWAYS GOLD
Now in saying all of this, it is obviously clear that I have not been in the right type of relationship. I am well aware of this and hence why I am still single. As much as I love the freedom singledom brings me, I know that with the right guy, he will want to create adventures and new experiences with me. He will want me to be completely and utterly myself, flaws and all and he will love me even with all of my scars. If you have been following my blogs, you will know I have quite a lot of scars.
I yearn to be able to meet that guy that thinks I am amazing regardless. Just like how my closest friends see how amazingly beautiful I am regardless of anything that has happened in my past. Being single has allowed me time to realise who I am and also come to know that regardless of any past events, I have turned out pretty great. I honestly didn't know my worth until I took the time to be on my own.
REALIZING YOUR WORTH
For years I believed there was something wrong with me. To be honest, I have spent the majority of my life feeling like no one would want me because of certain things that have happened to me. Being single for the last 3 years has allowed me to come to terms with my past and to also get to know myself and the woman I have become.
Our past does not define us. It is who we choose to become and how we make others in our life feel that make us who we are. My single years have allowed me to be with myself and sit with my thoughts. It has taught me to talk to myself in a more positive frame of mind and allowed me to understand that certain situations really was not my fault. Some may say I am a broken person but to me I feel like I have come out on top. I have overcome mountains higher than I ever imagined to conquer and have come to the place of acceptance. Learning to really love yourself and who you are is a journey and I am proud to say that I have finally reached that point.
DO NOT SETTLE
I know exactly who I am and what I am capable of. I know that I am genuine and really care for the people that matter in my life. I have learnt to let go of resentment and I have come to terms with being able to see the light in every dark tunnel. In saying this, I refuse to just settle. As much as I want to meet that guy, I don't just want to be with anyone for the sake of a relationship.
I'm here waiting patiently. I know in my heart that one day I will meet him and he will be absolutely amazing. He will not judge, he will have self awareness and he will be the most genuine soul I have come across. I cannot wait for that day but until then, no more accepting guys that do anything but feed my soul. No more acceptance of bad behaviour and no more giving this big heart of mine away to someone that does not deserve it. It took me 3 years to come to this point. For others it can take quicker or even longer but I still stand in saying that being single for the last 3 years has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.