Dealing With People That Try To Bring You Down

There is always that person we all know who goes around trying to make others feel less than. If you don’t know anyone in your life like this, count yourself lucky. I am sure along your journey you have met one. Whether it be an ex, a colleague, that so called ‘friend’ or even a family member.

It can be hard dealing with people that always look to point out your flaws. Some people just plain go out of their way to make you look bad in front of others or even behind closed doors. I have definitely come across several people like this and I have come to some realizations that I would like to share in the case you are currently struggling with someone like this.


You know those people that talk so much crap about someone when they aren’t there to defend themselves? Sometimes they tell other people things that person had told them in confidence and sometimes they plainly make up rumours about that person.

Then you see that person hanging out with the other person they were talking so much smack about and all of a sudden they are so nice to them. To an outsider it can be baffling but here a few things to remember about that person that likes to talk about other people behind their backs.

Have you ever noticed that the people that like to talk about others are the same people that worry the most about what other people think? These are the people that often accuse others of talking about them and these are the people that are the most paranoid that other people are spreading gossip.

Think about it. If you are not the type of person that likes to gossip, do you spend your days worried that other people are talking about you? A secure person doesn’t feel the need to gossip or bring other people down. Confident people are too busy with their own lives to worry about other people and what they are up to because they are too busy spending time with their own goals, life and loved ones.


When someone is constantly talking negatively to someone, this only highlights their own negativity. If someones is constantly trying to make someone else look bad, 9 out of 10 times they are trying to redirect the focus onto another person so people don’t see the negativity in themselves. Have you ever seen a happy go lucky person putting someone down?

When someone is constantly calling someone out on their flaws, it just highlights the fact that they have not yet done the work to look at their own flaws. Anyone that has done their inner work and has acknowledged their flaws does not feel the need to go out of their way to highlight another person’s flaws.

They are too busy working on their own imperfections and trying to become a better version of themselves, they don’t have the energy to nitpick another person. Dealing with our own issues is exhausting. Who has the time or energy to deal with someone else’s?


If you know of someone that is always trying to bring another down, think about why they may be doing this. People that have this kind of behaviour are either experiencing problems in their personal life that they are not dealing with properly, so they are projecting that onto another person. In a crazy way, it makes them feel better to make someone else feel bad while in reality they are the ones actually feeling bad about themselves. People that show this kind of behaviour do this from jealousy, insecurity or ego.

Do you know of someone that has done their self work and inner healing? Notice how people like this are constantly trying to bring others up? These are the people that understand the struggle and have empathy towards others. They don’t want to see someone else hurt in the way they did. These are the truly confident people. These are the people that have overcome hurdles to get to where they are.


I know it’s easier said than done. Especially when some of these bullies can make life challenging. Sometimes they can make it hard to turn up to work, family events, social gatherings or whatever it may be that involves you being in their vicinity. We can’t control someone else’s behaviour but remember that we can always control our own behaviour.

Try your best to not let it get to you. When you let it affect you and the person sees this, have you noticed that they tend to feed off this? Don’t give them that satisfaction. Instead, take a deeper look into their behaviour. Ask yourself these questions and I guarantee your perspective will take a shift.

  1. What is this person going through that is causing them to want to bring someone else down?

  2. What kind of trauma/abuse/negative situation has this person experienced that they feel the need make someone else feel bad?

Instead of retreating and letting your own self confidence be diminished, seek to understand if you want to be understood. There is no point reacting back with negativity as this just fuels the fire. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Be the bigger person. Ask them if everything in their own lives is okay. If you don’t want to do this, just remember that they are most likely struggling with something themselves.

Send them love. Wish them well. At the end of the day, if you know your own hands are clean, you can walk away from the situation knowing that you are genuine and karma always has a way of coming back around.

Do your thing. Forget what others say. Life is way too short to be worried about what others think. Instead, use that energy to better your own life. When you focus on your own goals and happiness, those haters won’t even matter anymore because you will be having too much fun in your own life. Isn’t that still an amazing outcome?