They say that everyone we meet comes into our lives for a lifetime, a season or a reason. You my friend, were definitely a reason. Of all the lessons in life and love I could've been taught, you, the most unsuspecting one of all, happened to teach me the biggest lesson that I needed to learn about myself.
Before I met you, I thought I was ready to meet "the one". I was done. Done with relationships that didn't work out, done with the dating scene, done with putting myself out there only to end up hurt and broken. I had promised myself that I wasn't going to commit to anyone again until I knew one hundred percent that I was madly in love.
I didn't know it at the time but looking back, that was just an excuse for me to not commit or get too invested in anyone. Announcing to all of my friends and family that I will never take another guy back to meet anyone unless I wanted to marry him was literally an excuse for me to keep my walls up.
In hindsight, how silly was I to think that I could possibly meet "the one" if I didn't know how to let my walls down? How could I even know when I met "the one" if I never let anyone get to know the real me? How would I even know that I had met my match if I don't take the time to get to know the real them?
When I met you, the first thing I noticed were your eyes. There was a depth to them, I knew there was more to you than what met the eye. Apart from your smoking hot body and that cheeky grin you pull, I knew there was a lot of soul about you. This is what intrigued me. I wanted to get to know you more, I wanted to know what made you happy, what made you tick, where you had come from. Did I take the steps or the time to do that? Unfortunately not.
There was a fleeting minute where I found myself liking you, like actually feeling something. Now most people would think, wow, isn't this beautiful? Not me. The moment I was getting all giddy waiting for that text back, the moment I found myself thinking of you when I was out with my friends, I felt sick. Literally sick to the point that I could actually throw up. Now if that's not messed up, I don't know what is because isn't that the feeling people want?
There is always three sides to every story. In this case, there's my side, your side and the truth. There is no way I could ever know what your side was, all I know is mine. I know that the truth lies somewhere in between.
I could've just been some other girl to you but to me, you opened my eyes to the fact that I was blocking myself from the love that I crave and deserve. My "no one can fuck with me" and "no one can get close enough to hurt me" attitude was contradicting what I actually wanted deep down. Everyone in our lives are going to hurt us at some point, it's just a matter of figuring out who is worth it.
WHAT I LEARNT
It took you to come into my life to open my eyes and wake up to myself. As my best friend says, "I needed to get knocked down a few inches to snap back to reality". In all honesty, you were the first guy to not actually tell me that you liked or even loved me. You were the first guy to even stand me up or cancel on me last minute.
To be fair, I didn't really give you much of a reason to take me seriously and to be completely honest, I believe in karma. What goes around comes around and you were my karma back from all the guys I did the same to. As much as it sucked at the time, now I know what it feels like and I sure as hell won't be doing that to anyone again.
As the old saying goes, "in order to achieve great things, comes always a greater risk". For us to receive the love we all crave deep down, that feeling of belonging, acceptance and appreciation. We must make ourselves vulnerable. We really don't have any other option but to open ourselves up to the possibility of getting hurt. The matter of the fact is, how would we know if it was worth it if we never take the chance?
I thought I was ready, I thought I was over all of my past relationships but meeting you has made me realise that I still have a lot to work through. I don't know if my next relationship will be the last but I do know that in order to receive what we want from the universe, we must be open to it.
We meet people for a lifetime, a season or a reason. It's funny how the universe works, it always seems to bring us exactly what we need, even if at the time we don't see it. You my friend happened to be exactly what I needed. I thought I was ready until I met you.